I have never been particularly shy about my presence online. I have always felt like participation in a conversation about things much larger and more important than I generally feel was a big appeal to being able to reach out to and have conversations with people I never would have been able to otherwise. But I am sorry to say that I have had a few experiences in the online world that frankly had me worried about this habit. That is to say, my skin has been, and most likely is a bit to thin.
These experiences therefore unfortunately resulted in me pulling back on the conversations happening all around me and deciding that maybe I ought to just sit down and shut up. Maybe I am just not smart enough, just not experienced enough, just not thoughtful enough to really be allowed to talk to the "big boys" yet. And even though this way of thinking did not sit well with me, I somehow convinced myself that maybe that was just what was best.
There are two problems with that way of thinking: (1) is that it simply is not true; and (2) is that it is antithetical to everything that I believe and want for my life. I tend to hold a rather high opinion of others. When I read a book, part of me is absorbing the words on the page or trying to wrap my mind around the narrative, but the other half is teaming with respect for the author. My go-to mindset is to assume that if a book is written, if a blog post is published, if a video is made, in a podcast is streaming, or if a person has a certain job then it must mean that that person has achieved some form of genius that I, the lowly consumer, must not yet be capable of achieving. The problem there, it simply is not true.
And this is not to say that I am some genius either, but I have been blessed with opportunities to interact with many of the authors and professionals in the world. I have had a chance to read many of their works and consume many of their products. And as much respect as I have gained for it (and still have), the fact of the matter is that all of these seeming geniuses are nothing but human beings like you or I. I know, I was shocked too.
And then there is the second problem with deciding that I needed to cut myself off and just absorb rather than participate and produce, it goes against everything I respect. There is something magical in my mind in seeing someone who has produced a body of work. Whether it be videos, books, articles, lectures, classes, songs, paintings, movies, memos, or even a long list of impressive sounding jobs or years in a job. Just today, I was reading President Obama's book Promised Land where he began talking about the incredible people he brought on to his staff when he moved to Washington as a newly elected senator. Some of this staff were young and brand new to that world (what secret sauce had they been raised on? I wondered), but others bolstered resume's of decades is Washington. That sounded so amazing to me! And it reminded me of the fact that if I am ever going to have something to show, I am going to need to get started now because I don't know how many of those types of years I have to spare in my life.
But here is the other thing, frankly the thing that matters the most to me. As will likely become fairly apparent, I have a burning passion and interest in Space. Space law, space policy, space business, space science; bring it all on! But unlike the imaginary geniuses I see in movies or imagine in my mind, truly understanding and appreciating this incredible field, let alone being able to effectively communicate about it, is not something that I believe I have the capacity to do after a year or two of schooling (I can attest to this having just recently finishing my Masters degree in Space Policy) or in the first few days of new job in the space field (a dream I have yet to fulfil).
One of my favorite quotes from Show Your Work, which I managed to get through in a fairly laid back hour's read, I'm a pretty slow reader by the way, was a quote Mr. Kleon had pulled from the science fiction writer Theodore Sturgeon who said that 90 percent of everything is crap, the trouble is, we don't always know what's good and what sucks.
I have decided that I need to give myself the opportunity to figure out what sucks and what is amazing. I am still naïve/egotistical enough to believe that I have the capability to add something substantive and meaningful to the industry that I love. I believe that there may yet be some way that I have within me and idea or insight that could be that one additional small step towards humankind's journey to the stars. But I have no doubt that I will need to do a lot of wading through nonsense before finding it.
This post, as the first on this blog, is my promise to myself to go looking for it. To show my work, in space.
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